Happy New Year! And I am putting a BIG emphasis on happy. There are probably very few people in the world that are as joyful as I was to say goodbye to 2015, not that I want to turn it into a competition, as that is not exactly one I really want to win. 2015 was a year where loses outnumbered the gains, and by no small margin. Of course I celebrated my achievement of a lifelong dream when I graduated from medical school in May, and I valued my first (abbreviated) season as a professional triathlete, but even these great moments could not really fill the void of all that was lost, let go, and left behind.
I can say this now, and I probably will be able to say the same decades from now, if I could choose one year to get a do-over, 2015 would be it. Even if things weren’t perfect, and I were still injured for seven out of twelve months of the year, I am better equipped to deal with adversity and likely would not make myself half as miserable as I did this past year. There were some really dark times that were largely a product of my attitude and self-destructive thought processes. I sadly had to experience great loses before I realized how detrimental and counterproductive this was to my achievement of anything I could be proud of. So I must insert an apology to you all here, for all of the negativity and the endless complaints. How annoying and selfish. I do not want to make excuses, but I was suffering.
Needless to say, the second half of the year was much better than the first, largely as a result of my change in mindset. I will not make too many speculations, but I may not have made it to the starting line of a race this past triathlon season had I not rid myself of a great deal of negativity and fear, then dug deep to find hope and self-belief. I am glad that I did and am so proud of what I accomplished.
I am going into the new year singing “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” over and over again in my head. Though I endured a great deal of pain and disappointment, I also learned and grew in new and meaningful ways. 2016 will be a better year, and not just because 2015 set the bar really low (because believe me it did), but also because I know it in my heart and I am saying it will be so.
Onward and upward.